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Saturday, 07 November 2009

i vowed to get my Personal Statement done by today. I WILL GET IT DONE. I'm just about to finish? i think? i dont know. I need to examples and more links to business concepts. but honestly, i have NO CLUE about all the business concepts. its precisely the whole point of doing a business degree, to learn the business concepts. anyway, i'm done for. no university is gonna want me. i'd be the reject who has no offers. lucky ass ade. already has an offer.hai. and brenda too. i'm dead. i'm dead. eek! i'm having writer's block!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

*spaced out*

what am i gonna write?!?!
shit.

Thursday, 05 November 2009

Five British soldiers were ruthlessly gunned down by an Afghan policeman they had just trained. The world is so unfair. I was reading the newspapers today and i wanted to cry when I read it. Okay, so you know how the Americans and everyone are pulling out their troops from Afghan to let the Afghans handle the Taleban by themselves because they finally realised they’re causing more harm than good. So the British army are training the Afghan troops and policemen so that when they leave, the afghans can control the situation. And so this particular platoon had just returned from a normal patrol and they were debriefing and then suddenly, this stupid arseholic afghan stands up and starts shooting down the British soldiers. With a machine gun. A machine gun! It was heartbreaking. My heart just.. plummeted. And there was this small picture of one of the men killed and he had 2 young sons back here in UK. It was.. heart wrenching.
We are one twisted, screwed up human race. As proud as I am of our achievements, I am so disgusted by our actions, MY actions. And then tmr morning I’ll wake up and it’ll be as if nothing had happened. And those 5 families will be forever scarred.

And then, second bummer. Screwed up econs test. I want to kill myself. Owiaejfkd;lxmc aijfm I normally don’t get so caught up with how well I do in tests anymore but this one was a real bummer cus EVERYONE in class did better than I did. Well, okay, I don’t know about that but let’s just say people who normally get lower than me scored higher. Aspoeirjadfjlfa I hate myself! I need a new way of studying econs. All I do before a test is just read through the recent notes. There’s nothing much to study cus its just definitions to memorise and concepts to understand. Blooddyyyyyyyyyyyy. LLL I feel so shitty. I want to go running but its too late. And tmr morning’s just crazy.

I feel inadequate. I feel like I’m lacking. I feel empty. I feel vacant. I feel redundant. I feel ashamed. I feel embarrassed. I feel unsure of myself.

Okay, seriously, I must decrease the amount of alone time I have. I keep dipping into self pity. Its disgusting.

ANYHOW. On a brighter note, okay, there’s nothing great to tell…. I NEED TO UPLOAD MY PICS!!! My stupid computer’s being an asswipe and it doesn’t have enough space so I cant do anything . bugger.

Anyhow, I’m off to sleep. woifsjkdcxm

Tuesday, 03 November 2009

Okay, so today, before i went to sleep, i did my QT. the first time in a long time. Yes, i felt guilty. So anyway, there i was reading the book and it told me to go to this chapter in the bible and guess what it said.
"Do not forget the Lord." - Deut. 8
Yupp. oh yeah, background information. Lately, I've been feeling dry and it felt like i wasn't a christian. I hadn't gone for church in like 4 weeks. It was either me waking up late or some lame excuse. I know. And then one day, it hit me relatively hard, but not hard enough to thirst for God as much as i want to. So what hit me was that we are so vulnerable without God. Like i was with Sapi and we were talking about spirits and ghosts etc. and i was thinking about demons and how they can just enter you and possess you and at the moment, i got really really scared. it hit me that we actually have not a single protection against these things without God and the thought of not having Him in me just scared the shit outta me. So yeah. I need to buck up and be a better christian. and it doesnt help that lately i've been spewing out swear words. its not like me. i dont know why. I've got this odd twisted "courage" to say all these bad words from probably Satan. Hai. Hence forth, i shall not say a SINGLE bad word. and shit isnt counted. so yeah.
and heartbreaking news today, my _______ is ___________out. hai. superrrrrrrrrrrr sad. i cant say it now cus ___________ hasnt officially announced it. so i cant say it but i feel really sad. i mean before ____________ came along, i had all these uncertainties about _____________ but looking back, those past few months have been great. it was awesome. _________ made life fun and interesting. hai. i feel sad. i mean yeah i can ________________ and all but it wont be the same. but then, __________ can __________ over and it'll be fun too! haha, i'm so horrible.
anyhoo, i'm gonna hit the sheets otherwise i'll oversleep.
you know how when someone tells you something that you never noticed about someone and it suddenly becomes so obvious and everything that has to do with that someone just becomes magnified?
hahaha (:
lalalalalala, i'm freaking out about UCAS. while other people are busy mugging for BMAT. all the bestos my friendittos! (:
(to be sung in tune with a nursery jingle that i cant recall)
Glee is awesome
Glee is awesome
Yes we know! Yes we know!
so you must go and watch it! You must go and watch it!
Or you'll miss out! you'll miss out!

Okay, as you can see, andrea's feeling particularly .. bored.

Friday, 30 October 2009

it has occurred to me that i'm always the last to hear news from some people. and i dont want to say this but. it hurts. its like blatantly telling you " i dont think you're a good enough friend to tell you this so i'll let you be the last to find out."
it hurts. but i gotta suck it up. also, recently i've been getting this vibe from someone. like i'm finally getting to her. like she's had enough of me. so i think i'm gonna back off and distance myself for a week or two. then i'll see how things turn out. if i do piss her off, i know our friendship's done for cus she hardly gets angry with people. well. yupp, i shall go eat ice cream to soothe my broken heart. eh, but seriously, i hate this. i'm so annoyed with myself. i wish we lived in a world with no secrets. so no more stupid people whispering behind people's backs.
i know nobody owes me anything. but i just saw_________________just now! like have the decency to tell me! no. i think what hurts the most for me would be that the friend knew of it when we had met but kept his mouth shut and CHOSE to not tell me and let me find out later. ouchie.
right now, i feel compelled to say this: life is so much better with just family and not friends. like who needs friends when they have family? but obviously, its not entirely true. i wish i stayed in Singapore. then i wont be getting all this crap from people. or giving al this crap to people.